Joe's deployment is right around the corner. He reports in on Sunday, October 14th, and leaves for final training with his unit at Fort Dix soon after (We have yet to know the exact date. The military is awesome). After a few weeks at Fort Dix(again, no exact dates yet on how long he will be there), he will continue on to Kuwait. That being sad, "pre-deployment" phase has been in full effect for our little family. Since I know so many people who are deploying in the near future, I figured I'd put together a list of things that Joe and I have been dealing with in preparation for this deployment.
2. If necessary, use deployment orders to cancel a lease, phone contract, ect...
3. Thrift Saving Plan (TSP)- Also something to look into. While your spouse is deployed, some of their deployment money can be put into an account where interest can grow on it...very quickly.
4. GI Bill and MyCAA- I just so happen to be using both of these during Joe's deployment, but you do NOT have to wait for a deployment to use these benefits. The military spouse is able to give some or all of their GI Bill to their spouse and/or dependents. I am SO thankful that Joe has been kind enough to give me nine months of his GI Bill so that I can go to school while he is deployed. It will help keep me busy! MyCAA is a military spouse "scholarship" fund that allows a substantial amount of money to go towards the spouse's education. There are some requirements that you need to meet in order to be eligible for the money which you can find here.
5. Get a passport or make sure that your passport is updated. Its not easy to think about, but if something were to happen by your spouse while he/she is deployed and they are in serious condition, you want to be able to pack up and get on the first flight out to be with him/her. This was something that was brought up in a deployment briefing for the spouses who are being left behind or else I would have never even thought of it! I'm still in the process of checking this one off of my list...
6. Scan in deployment orders so that you have easy access to them. I can't tell you how many times Joe and I have been out to cancel a phone contract or drop an interest rate and we haven't had his orders with us. It just created more work for us later to go back home and fax the orders in to the people who need them instead of having access to them right away.
7. Discuss finances. Make sure that the spouse staying behind knows about all the bills that need to be paid and when they are due. Make sure that you have written down all usernames and passwords for online payments. Joe is the finance guy in our relationship, so I had to sit down with him one day and write down what bill is due on what date, how much, which account it comes out of, usernames, passwords, etc...It wasn't a fun conversation but definitely needed to be done!
8. Make sure you know where all important documents are. Remember, you aren't going to be able and pick up the phone to call your spouse and ask them where they put the marriage license or their social security card or whatever the document may be. When tax season rolls around, your going to have to know where the power of attorney document is so that you can file taxes for your family. Have a folder or a safe where you have easy access to all important documents.
9. Discuss how deployment money is going to be spent. One of the benefits of deployment is the extra money that is going to be brought in. BE SMART. HAVE A PLAN. I can't tell you how many stories that Joe and I have heard about wives who just blow all of their extra money while their husband is deployed and are in a deep hole financially when he comes home. Use the extra money to pay off some debt or save it up for a down payment on a house. Also remember, chances are your spouse isn't going to be blowing a ton of money while they are deployed (if they are smart). And to say that he/she is going to be "roughing it" while they are gone is an understatement. When they come home, they are going to want to spoil themselves a little bit with their hard earned money. Do you really want to tell them they can't treat themselves because you couldn't refrain from shopping? I shudder to think how that conversation would go...
10. Try to think about all possible case scenarios that could happen and have a plan. Yes, its impossible to do that, but try. For example, I plan on going back home to Pennsylvania to spend Christmas with my family. Usually, Joe and I drive up so that we can take our dogs with us and not have to pay for a kennel. I know there is no way I'm going to be able to make that nineteen hour drive from Florida to Pennsylvania with two dogs by myself this year so I am going to have to pay for a kennel. That means I will already be spending more money than usual in December. That means I'm going to have to start setting money aside for that now. Are there things that are going to happen that you didn't expect? Absolutely. But try to plan ahead as much as you possibly can.
11. Don't be afraid to ask for help. You can't do it all on your own. It pains me to write that because I am someone who likes to think that I can do it all by myself. I'm strong, I'm independent, I'm used to Joe being gone and handling things on my own...but I can't do it all by myself. Definitely not for a whole year. For example, I know that I will be moving in December. I can't move our couch by myself, I can't carry the dresser downstairs by myself. If our sink starts to leak, I don't know how to fix it. You will need help while your spouse is gone. Don't be afraid to ask for it. It doesn't mean your weak.
12. STAY BUSY while your spouse is gone. The worst thing that you can do is have a lot of free time on your hands!
13. Sit down with your spouse and make a list of things that he/she will want while overseas. Family and friends are going to want to send packages and goodies to your spouse while they are gone. However, there is no need for little bars of soap or large bags of candy. Only have family and friends send your spouse things that he/she actually really wants or really needs. The last time Joe was deployed, his unit had a table where they dumped things from all their packages that they didn't want or had no use for. If the table got too full, they burned all the contents on that table. If friends and family want to help, and show support that is wonderful. But make sure that their money and efforts are actually going to be used.
14. Find out benefits that you have while your spouse is deployed. Get on google or talk to FRG. There are a TON of benefits out there that you, as "the spouse left behind", have. For example, I get a free membership at YMCA for a whole year!
Some of the hard stuff...
15. Know your spouse. You need to talk before your spouse deploys. Some of the conversations will not be easy. Your spouse is going off to fight for our country. There is a chance that he/she may not come back. Both of you need to seriously sit down and discuss your spouse's living will. If your soldier becomes severely injured, will you be able to make the decision of how long to keep him/her on life support? Or will someone else (mother, father, brother, etc) need to make that decision for you in that moment? It's a hard, very difficult conversation, but it needs to happen. Also, do NOT be offended if your spouse discusses whether to give you general or specific power of attorney while he/she is gone. There are soldiers who give general power of attorney to spouse/girlfriends/boyfriends, etc. who end up basically stealing their life while they are deployed and they come home to NOTHING. Giving general power of attorney to you while your soldier deploys is a huge deal. Talk it over very carefully with your spouse.
16. Be prepared for feelings to change. You would think that if your spouse is going to be leaving for an entire year that the two of you would be connected at the hip, not wanting to be apart for even a second leading up to deployment. Not true. You both are going to be experiencing the idea of an approaching deployment differently. I've found that at times Joe is a little distant and a little harsh. But, I've found that I've been worse. I know he's about to leave so I start pushing away. Its almost a feeling of abandonment yet you know thats not at all what he is doing. At the same time, I feel as though I'm preparing to being alone for a year. I need to get used to doing this alone. Its actually very easy to get annoyed with one another the closer the deployment comes. Don't take his harshness personally and be careful how you are treating him. You do want to treasure the last couple weeks (days) before he leaves for quite awhile.
For the deploying spouse (these came from Joe)...
17. Document everything. Every time you go to sick call/sick bay, make sure that it is documented. This will come in handy later on when you spouse may file for disability. Documentation is SO IMPORTANT!
18. Pack up early. It will give you time to double check things before you leave.
Some fun things...
19. Plan how your going to spend your last week together. You may have some extra free time together so decide how your going to spend it. Don't be too selfish. Remember friends and family are going to want to say goodbye as well.
20. Finally, plan how you are going to spend the first month or so together after deployment. It is hard when your spouse leaves for deployment. Its harder when they return. While your spouse has been gone, life hasn't stopped for you. You've had to carry on as normal. You are going to get into a routine that you become very familiar with- a routine that he/she isn't familiar with. Your spouse is going to come home and want to jump right back into life as normal when they left, and it isn't going to be that way. So, that being said, Joe and I are planning a vacation for when he comes home. We are going to go away together and have an amazing, carefree vacation- almost like a second honeymoon. But then we are slowly going to integrate our lives back together. Going from spending zero time together for a year to spending every second together immediately may not be a good idea. Its something that is going to need to happen slowly.
These suggestions are things that Joe and I have experienced from past deployments and this current, upcoming deployment. If you've found these suggestions helpful, please leave a comment and let me know. Also feel free to leave a comment to add to the list! I'd love to know about other people's experiences as well.
A later blog post to come with Joe's addresses and list of items (which I'm sure will change as deployment goes on) that he would like while overseas. We both would appreciate your prayers over the next year!
Hi Dani! I had a question for you about possibly collaborating on something and was hoping you could email me back to discuss? Thanks so much!
ReplyDelete- Emma
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